I assume mirrors reflect more than two images, but I am focusing today on two. The two I have chosen to dissect are the two that show in reflections. Years ago there was a song Phoebe Snow sung in which she asked “Do you like or love either or both of me?”. That is how I have always thought of myself. That there were two of me. Not meaning I have a split personality, more I have two sides. I am not talking looks, like when someone asks to have their photo taken at a certain angle as it reflects their good side. No, I am talking inside of myself.
Much like the song, I too can be clumsy, yet graceful, as well as funny, classy, empty and afraid. Through my life I have tried to control what side of me people saw. If someone thinks I only wanted the good side to always be seen, it would not be correct but it would be pretty close. I think many of us only show our good sides. I also think that only showing our good side can lead to other problems, such as low self-esteem, thinking we are shallow or lying to the world. It is a tricky balance to show both sides.
Not many want to be outcasts. Unwanted for not fitting in. Disliked because they did not show their better side. So it is difficult to show the bad side when we have been taught to want to be accepted. I suspect many of us have two sides. I also would think we all try to show the world what we want them to see. I was lucky, my husband liked and loved both sides of me. With him I could always show my true feelings, emotions, my need for perfection and flaws. There are a lot of songs that spring to mind that mention a person having two sides or more. So I must not be not alone in this.
The song I refer to is short. At the end, her words express that having someone in her life has made it better. Again, this is something I relate to. The problem for me, I no longer have that person in my life. How does one go about living a life without the one who made the world a safe place? How does one even open the front door and leave their home. All these questions and more are what I am trying to find answers to. I am not sure if I will, but I am trying. I need to find a way to get back some control over my life. I want to live again, even if it is with a heavy heart.